im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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