I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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