Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
