I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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