There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
