also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
thus making me awesome and them whores
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
