My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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