Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
