today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're a waste of cheezeits
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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