My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
