I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
