my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
