Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Everclear isn't food dammit
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
