I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
