i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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