Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk is not a location!
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