Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
