why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
