you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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