I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
