you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
