Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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