So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
