I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
