I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
