someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
