Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
