so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
