i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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