This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's always time for handjobs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
