Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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