She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
