Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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