i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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