Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
