I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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