The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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