I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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