I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
