Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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