I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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