Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
