We won't sleep together?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
