we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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