So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
