i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
