His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
