he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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