id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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