I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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