Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's blow job season.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
