I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
