OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
