Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
