Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
