So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
