So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
