people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
