You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Blood and glitter go together right?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
