Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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