god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
