Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
