I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
