I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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