Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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