We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
