White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
