Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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